Get me there!  


January 19th

Today is the day it all starts. I quite often get these silly ideas that I just think, 'Hey! That would be good!' and spend hours working on something and then realise it is rubbish. But then again, you'll never go anywhere if you don't take a step. So this is mine. I'm not really sure what I hope to come at the end of this, maybe a trip to the US and actually see what kind of life Becks might find. Part of me is also really interested to see why other people have applied for the tryout, where have they travelled from, did they just think it would be cool to say they've done (possibly my motives there) or are they actually really good players who have slipped through the net. Another part of me just wants to see how rubbish I am in comparison. I am sure I am not alone in watching numerous matches on TV and saying 'I could do better than that' but how many opportunities are you ever going to get to put your theory to the test? How ace would it be to pop along to your favourite football team and say, 'I've always wondered...' and they say. 'Sure, join in!'?

My dad once told me about a TV show in the 70s about a milkman I think who played a match for Liverpool. I think it was a friendly and he came on and missed a penalty in the Kop end! People probably ripped it out of him for years but how many were probably thinking, 'I wish I'd done that.' So no matter how much of a fool I make of myself, I will hopefully look back one day and say, 'That was cool.'

I have had a busy day making this website and creating the video but I have also started making a video diary that I will post when I have the chance. I filmed myself filling in the application online and then there is a brilliant moment when you see me realise what I have just done. What a doofus.

I have a match tomorrow for my team, Sandford, against Sidmouth but I can only play the first half because I am playing guitar in a pantomime and need to get bck for a rehearsal. Great start eh?!

January 20th

Match postponed. Oh dear. No football again. Still went running twice to try and get myself into some sort of shape before the trial. At the moment, the Galaxy can expect to see something more like Micky Quinn than David Beckham.

I have received a couple of emails from people telling me that they liked the website but I also received a message from a guy in LA who is also going to the trials and has offered me a place to stay when I visit. I am humbled and will hopefully meet up with him. Also, as I am making my own mini-documentary, it will be amazing to actually film a real LA Galaxy fan and find out what he thinks of Becks' arrival and see how he does in the trial.

Also received an email from a guy in Leeds who is planning on going to the trials in 2008. He said he is giving himself a year to devote to football, focusing on his fitness and mental preparation. This made me feel ashamed of my own motives, and made me realise that some people may actually be taking this seriously. I now have 3 weeks to copy his regime.

Below is the video of me completing the application form online. Alternatively, download it via the following link. GalaxyDiary1.wmv


January 21st

Watch me lick Becks into shape.

January 22nd

As a teacher, I have decided to put a bit of my football skills back into education and have plans in place to set up my own football academies to rival Beckhams. Here the children will learn the wisdom of the offside appeal, how to place the ball just outside of the triangle to make a corner easier to take and 101 minor injury claims all aimed at allowing you a chance to get yur breath back as the physio comes on. The logo design encapsulates this ethos perfectly and, similar to Beckham's, the figure portrays a stance that everyone will identify with my game. I have included both logos for you to see.

As you will notice, I am not as good at photoshop as Beckham hence the reversed word. However, I am including this as part of my academy training as a neck stretch and anyone who reads it has therefore completed part of the course and will owe me money.

January 23rd

I am incredibly grateful to all of those who have sent me email sending me their best wishes on my trial. People have been great in providing me with information about places to go and where I should stay. It sounds like there are tons of amazing hotels out there but one guy got in touch with me personally and invited me to his hotel. He said he owns a 'Holiday Inn' near LA and that I would have very spacious accomodation and that children are very welcome. He sent me a picture to help. He mentioned that it was fairly new and that my appearance would help his business. I am thinking of checking it out. Let me know what you guys think?

January 24th

Got a very interesting phone call today. You may have seen that by means of welcoming Posh and Becks to America, Madam Tussauds in New York have made new waxwork models of them draped in the US flag. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/01/24/ap/entertainment/mainD8MRN70O1.shtml

Well, imagine my surprise when this morning the art director of Tussauds in New York contacted me to say that they would like to honour my forthcoming trip to the LA in a similar fashion. Unfortunately, they did say that as my arrival was kind of unexpected, they can't make a completely new model so they have selected a character who's popularity has plummeted and then simply made adjustments to make it look like me. He said they will be unveiling when I arrive in LA but sent me a sneak preview of what it will look like. I think it is quite realistic.

Jan 25th

Signed my first endorsement deal today. It is a bit cheeky of the company but they have based my advert on the Ronaldinho crossbar ad by Nike. If you haven't seen it, go here and watch it on youtube. A lot of hype has gone on surrounding Ronaldinho's ad because may people claim it is fake. My advert is therefore also likely to cause the same discussion as people ponder whether it is really possible or just a clever camera trick. Either way, please play the video below or download it here and decide for yourselves.



Jan 26th

Took an important step today in coming to LA. Got my passport renewed. With time so short, I had to get a special one-day fast-track service in Newport. Wales which meant an early start. I had to wait 4 hours whilst it was made so instead of wasting time I took to the streets with my beautiful girlfriend, Nikki, who interviewed the locals on Newport about Beckham and my chances. I think you'll agree, she makes a good presenter! Some great responses too! Watch the video below or download here!



Jan 27th

You know, the amazing thing about this whole adveture is the highs and lows that can happen within hours. Yesterday was great, filming people about my chances and getting my passport. Today was not good...save for 2 reasons. Ok, bad stuff first: failed miserably in trying to get any kind of sponsorship from local businesses, everybody just said 'contact head office' etc but with the time frame I have got that is no good, lost football match 5-0 and I wasn't really in the game at all and put my site onto a UK forum where people didn't get it at all, they just thought I wanted a holiday. Schmucks. Now for the good stuff: I once again have to say how amazing the good people of LA have been towards me, offers of accomodation and the chance that I will have some support at the trials. But one person from LA in particular has donated a fantastic amount that will go towards making my dream become reality and it has made all the other stuff insignificant. Again, I am humbled and know that if I make it to LA, I will put every effort into repaying some of the faith some people have shown me. The second good thing today is that Disney have started usng Beckham to promote their brand, problem is they have used me too. I said I would only be involved if I could give some sort of nod to the Galaxy so they made me up a custom gold and green outfit specially. So over the next few weeks expect to see billboards plastered with both images, all aimed at promting Disney's Year of a Million Dreams campaign. I actually used to work for Disney but had to leave after one unsavoury incident. I'm not proud of it but the kid had it coming, you can watch it here

Jan 28th

Don’t you hate it when you find a website where the person writing about themselves writes about their achievements in the third person so that it appears somebody else has written it and that they don’t appear boastful? Well, so does Kevin Payne. He hates them. Ever since Kevin Payne was a little boy, he detested people writing about themselves in the third person. That is why Kevin Payne will never write about himself in this way. Kevin Payne would never refer to his football prowess and his youthful, boyish charm in such a manner. No, if Kevin Payne were to talk about his abilities he wouldn’t hide behind the façade of a non-existent biographer, he would tell it like it is. That’s what I love about him. So if you ever read anything about him that isn’t written in the first person then be wary of its authenticity as it is likely that I didn’t write it. (bugger)

Quiet day today, bit of fitness training and planning for a day of teaching tomorrow. I now only have just over a week before I would like to fly out and need all the help I can get. If you feel inclined, please email a journalist I mentioned my story to at: richard.smith@mirror.co.uk and try and persuade him to get me some coverage. Also, you could fill in the online contact form for gmtv (a UK breakfast show) here and get them going too. They said they may cover my story but a little gentle persuasion can't do any harm. Fingers crossed!

Jan 29th

It's time to make some sacrifices. Ever since I was about aged 10, I have collected football shirts. I guess I have about 100 in total. I never really wanted the usual ones, I always wanted the different, foreign teams that people would have to ask about. Therefore, I have ended up with such beauties as Detroit Rockers, Linfield and Hereford Utd. Now, as I realise that time is creeping ever closer, I have decided to sell my collection. This will take a few days to photo them all and put them on to ebay but hopefully they will sell. I have got some very cool old shirts, in particular my dad's old crystal palace shirt from the 1960s (as a Norwich fan I have no idea why he had this shirt) Take a visit to ebay.co.uk or the direct link here and marvel at the shirts and the fact that I forgot to change the categories and that is why a Weder Bremen shirt is being sold under the heading 'Crystal Palace Shirt'. Idiot.

Jan 30th

Time to clear things up. Set the record straight. One thing that is very annoying about my forum is that anyone can make up an email that doesn't exist, post something and then disappear without me having the chance to reply. Be them good or bad, I can't get the chance to thank them or the chance to explain myself. Nothing has been that bad but as you will see on my forum today, someone has left a message that is asking the question that many of you have thought about, 'Who the hell does this guy think he is asking us for money to pay for his trip?!'

I would imagine that many people have thought that but been too polite to say it or, hopefully, you will notice from the rest of the site that it is mostly tongue in cheek. I am very grateful to those who have donated, it is unbelievably kind to offer your money to somebody to help them in fulfilling their dreams and I really hope I get the opportunity to thank those people in person. The aim of the 'donation' side of my site was to try and get some interest from the media. To date, this hasn't worked so I will be funding my trip from my own funds, by selling my football shirt collection on ebay (see above) and borrowing from my folks.

So, if you were 'Geez' who left the message in the forum, I would first of all like to say thanks for addressing the issue in such honesty rather than simply swearing. Your argument is well justified and I hope that my response has gone someway to explaining. Next time, use a real email address!

Now that all the serious stuff is out of the way, tomorrow I will be filming a promotional video for the 'Kev Payne Academy'. Make sure you check it out tomorrow!!

Jan 31st

This is the day I have been waiting for since I started this whole adventure. Today, I opened my first ever 'Kev Payne Academy'. The promotional video is below. This is purely amazing. These kids are stars of the future. Enjoy it, share it, love it. This is the best thing you will ever see on this website. Watch below or download here.



Feb 1st

Been busy teaching today but showed the academy video to a different group of school kids. They kept asking me if I really did knock out the little boy. I said, if they didn't believe me that we could go out into the playground and try it again.

I am very pleased to say that the academy video has become 'Video of the Week' at goal.com. You can see the link here. I also completed my first ever interview which was brilliant fun! You can read it here. One of the funniest things for me about my website is that some people completely don't get me at all. For example, on the above link to my academy video somebody has left the following comment:

"This is a joke.. i mean how old is that guy ??? He wants to compete with beckham's academy.. now that's funny. "

No. That's funny.

I am booking my flight and hotel tomorrow so will celebrate accordingly by making some stupid video and/or picture of the event. Til tomorrow!

Feb 2nd

I'm a-comin' to LA! Booked my ticket and hotel today so, as promised, here is the video to mark the momentus event. Watch below or click this link. Will fill in all the details tomorrow, it all starts here.



Feb 3rd

I read today that LA resident, Robbie Williams, has splashed out on an indoor football pitch in the hope that Becks will go over to his house and teach him how to play football. Story link here. I don't think this is likely. However, not to disappoint poor Robbie, I have contacted his agents in Beverly Hills and booked him for a soccer event I am going to hold in Beverly Hills on the 9th Feb, the day before the tryouts. I told them I had a budget of 300,000 but it didn't ask what currency so I will be paying them in the old Italian Lire. At the event, I will teach Robbie some skills and then maybe he could write a theme tune for my website. I guess it is only fair that we trade. I am hopeful that he will accept my invitation as I was actually born in Stoke-on-Trent too and I support Port Vale like him, kind of. Anyway, I will certainly contact the press out in LA and get them to put a shout out to him and see if he's up for it.

Even when suffering from jet lag, I will still wow Robbie with my skills.

Feb 4th

I went into town today to get some things ready for my trip. It was a beautiful day and, feeling happy with the upcoming adventure, I walked round by Exeter Cathedral before sitting down on the wall to take in the peaceful, serene setting. I had not been sat down for longer than 10 seconds when I felt a gentle tap on my back. Smiling as I turned, I wondered who would it be? An old pal who was also enjoying the pleasant weather? An ex-pupil wishing me well in my quest perhaps? So as I turned, imagine the horror when I realised that no person was stood behind me and that I had, in fact, been pooed on by a sodding pigeon. I think it was trying to tell me something...

Feb 5th

Worried. At the time of writing, I still have not received my email from the LA Galaxy telling me about what time the trial is happening etc. I am hoping that this is due to the time difference and that by the time I wake up in the morning it will be like Christmas and Santa Lalas will have left me the greatest gift of all. Blind hope.

Feb 6th

Busy day. I would like to thank everyone who has visited my site so far but unfortunately I won't be able to update it whilst I am away. However, you can still email me and I will try and post something on the forum so you can check up on how I am doing. Anyway, I leave you with a final video to give you an idea of how hard I have worked for this tryout. Download here. Enjoy.



Finally, all that remains to say is thanks and see you in LA!





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